Posted: Tue Jun 05 18:39
Let’s face it, people who can happily handle lifetime sexual exclusivity are not only heroes, they are a statistical minority. Consider safe-guarding your relationship if your partner exhibits some (or all!) of the following characteristics:
1. They are not getting enough at home and are discouraged to masturbate or use other forms of sexual release (eg. porn)
2. They have an unsatisfied or unexplored fetish, such as wanting to be dominated or wear kinky clothing and it is actively discouraged
3. They are a heavy drinker or drug taker and regularly lose control and/or inhibition. (This includes legal prescriptives such as anti-depressants which can prevent normal feelings of guilt or shame)
4. They have ample opportunity such as late work nights, drinks with colleagues and friends, golf afternoons, sales trips, etc.
5. They have a lot of freely disposable income or are solely responsible for paying the bills and/or handling the finances
6. They are heavily into physical appearance or clothes (or take a renewed interest in their appearance and/or clothes)
7. They are competitive and/or jealous and believe one slight deserves another (revenge fucking is dismally common!)
8. They feel as if they are not being heard or that no-one listens to them at home (you’d be surprised how many mistresses are just a sympathetic ear)
9. They are being ‘outshone’ by their significant other (emasculation often sends him running to a cheap skank and her to the rich dude who likes pampering)
10. They are bored, in a rut or feeling trapped with a need to ‘get away’
11. You are no longer with the person they married, (eg. you put on 100 pounds, became a rocket scientist or donated your brain to the missing beer fairies appeal)
12. They have moved in a different direction and are no longer attracted to you 'in that way'.
Even if your partner is none of these things, still consider negotiating your fidelity by discussing and establishing boundaries for social behavior. Define cheating – does it include porn or perving, for instance? Whatever you do, make sure you understand your own and each other’s behavioral expectations.
You wouldn’t bet half of everything you own on a horse with even chances – why are we doing it for marriage? Risk manage your relationship now and move your boundaries as your relationship moves you.
The fact that monogamy as you put it "is not natural" (I agree fwiw) is partly the reason so many rules and controls are put in place in relationships. It initially was essential to ensure paternity of fathers and for mothers to be sure their partners didn't have 8 different families.
Today with contraception and DNA testing all the old required rules are irrelevant.
So rather than monogamy forming the backbone of a prescribed structure it is now about this weird form of control and bondage.
You list 12 reasons it could just as easily be 1200. People are different but variety is craved universally.
Your last 2 paragraphs are the problem with western relationships at least. Suddenly becoming part of a couple results in all these weird rule changes were what was once considered normal is up for renegotiation. Almost as thou you cease to become a functioning individual and become 0.5 of a couple. It is a weird form of lifetime bondage which is not healthy.
Holly - so insightful and so true! One of the worst things is that we also associate monogamy with love... crazy!
Some of the comments here are about 'him'. A reason for cheating by women would be trial a switch to an apparently more successful man.
Holly - You're absolutely correct - women usually cheat with 'genetically superior' men.