13 Biggest Relationship Roadblocks
Posted: Mon Jun 18 15:52
These are the things that could break you (but only if you let them).
If any (or all!) is a sore point in your relationship, make sure you discuss it calmly and logically and see if you can either reach a compromise (eg. if you get this, I will get that) or establish it as a ‘not negotiable’ (eg. this is so important to me that I will leave you if you keep doing it).
Whatever you do, know that ignoring the problem will not make it go away...
1. LACK OF TRUST – the best way to assess someone’s trustworthiness is to trust them
2. LACK OF LOYALTY – there’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t have your back (or lets people diss you)
3. BAGGAGE from past relationships – sometimes the damage can’t be undone and you just need to work around it
4. INCOMPATIBLE LIBIDOS – if you don’t negotiate sexual alternatives, they will cheat or be unsatisfied – which is worse?
5. CHILDREN - don't want to have them, don't get along with existing offspring, can't agree on number, want them for the wrong reasons
6. INABILITY TO MOVE ON – the person left behind will resent being hurried and the person out in front will feel as if they are being slowed down
7. GROWTH IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS – sometimes you just want to take different paths in the journey and meet on the other side
8. SERODISCORDANT FITNESS (eg one fat or sick, the other not) – when one is something the other is not, it sometimes means vastly different self-esteem levels
9. CONFLICTING PRIORITIES (eg, work more important than family) – let’s face it, people rarely have the same priorities, but they need to be acknowledged and discussed and (hopefully!) compromised on
10. INCOMPATIBLE INTRUSIONS (eg, work, relatives, obsession with snow skiing when the kids are toddlers) – now is the time to get that handbag / set of golf clubs / weekly time to yourself you always wanted in exchange!
11. UNEQUAL INCOMES – the person with the most income pays the most bills and the person with the most time does the most chores. Simple.
12. OBSESSIONS, ADDICTIONS OR PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS – they are rarely curable, so consider them a demon that you need to learn to live with (if you can).
13. DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION SKILLS – the ‘silent treatment’ is another form of bullying (known as ostracism). If conversation is a problem, consider other ways of communication such as actions, notes, music, body language and flowers (if all else fails, see a shrink).
Most relationships break down as the template western society uses in general is faulty to begin with. One person can not be all things to someone else and expecting the world is guaranteed to end in disappointment.
The problems you listed above relate to this weird set up where there is this life time merger or combination of two. A degree of separation is important otherwise frustration occurs due to the constraints placed on each partner.
Holly - Excellent point! (I think Kahil Gibran called it making sure the Oak doesn't grow in the Elm's shadow)
I read this piece of writing completely about the difference of most recent
and earlier technologies, it's amazing article.
Holly - thanks Dianna - we are starting to live our relationships by truth and science, not fairytales and wishful thinking. The divorce rate will start to go down real soon now...
A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.
I do believe that you ought to publish more on this subject matter, it might not
be a taboo matter but generally people don't talk about these issues. To the next! Many thanks!!
Holly - thanks, Klaudia! A book is on its way - published by HarperCollins in April 2013.