10 Steps to Negotiating Fidelity

Posted: Wed Mar 28 19:48

1. ASK
Ask (nicely!) “are you getting enough, Darling?” and don’t throw a hissy fit if the response is negative.

2. DEFINE
Define your own unique boundaries for fidelity. Include what behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable. Conisider porn, perving, kissing, internet chat rooms, email liasions, once-off sex with strangers, swinging, lap dances, flirting, gazing or sex workers.

3. RULES DONT HAVE TO GO BOTH WAYS
Work out your own unique set of rules and understand they don’t have to go both ways. For example, if the woman values intimacy and the man doesn’t, then perhaps he can’t be intimate with others but she can.

4. USE PROTECTION. ALWAYS!
Condoms are never negotiable – trust is earnt; not given!

5. THE NUMBER 1 STAYS THE NUMBER 1
Always put the primary partner first – encounters with other people (or porn!) should never intrude upon special occasions, personal illness, date nights, bad hair days and so on.

6. FORMALISE TRIAL PERIODS AND REVIEW DATES
Set a trial period with a formal review date at which both partners honestly and openly discuss how it did (or didn’t!) work for them. Negotiated fidelity must be unanimous and continually improving.

7. MISTRUST YOUR IMAGINATION
If you’re really brave, introduce (or point out) potential playmates to the primary partner (unless they look like a supermodel). It’s usually surprising (and reassuring!) just how ‘ordinary’ the other person appears. (It also makes you feel like a real grown up!)

8. LOYALTY IS EVERYTHING
Always start with a relationship grounded in fidelity and loyalty FIRST

9. AVOID OXYTOCIN
Avoid the release of Oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) by limiting sexual partners or flirtations to once-off encounters - otherwise women might start to form unwelcome attachments

10. BE ETHICAL
Above all, always leave people better off than you found them.



Comments

Posted by: Rusty

I love this posting. I've been trying to figure out how to negoitate a non-sexual open relationship with wife and I think I'm going to start with this as I strategize.

HOLLY- thanks, Rusty! One way to start is by playing the 'perving game'. When you go out, each pick a person in the room you would (theoretically) like to have sex with. Then start picking for each other... lots of fun, not to mention VERY informative!

Posted by: Marilynn

Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumble upon everyday.
It will always be exciting to read through content from other authors and practice a little something from their web sites.

Holly - thanks Marilynn!

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