12 Reasons for a Sex Pre-Nup
Posted: Mon Sep 17 16:03
When it comes to sex, men and women are like apples and oranges, so remember the following suggestions don't have to work both ways. Nor do you need to include them all - everyone is different, so while some of the following may seem important, others may seem trivial. Whatever the case, respect what is important to your partner and include it in your pre-nup if they request it.
1. QUANTIFY YOUR LIBIDO - It's all very well to be 'at it like rabbits' during your early relationship, but what about the longer term? If you want sex several times a week and your partner only wants it once, you risk repressed urges and/or cheating. Include expected averages when you discuss long term partnerships.
2. QUALIFY YOUR LIBIDO - If they have a fetish for shiny things, fluffy objects or even shoes, it’s going to need regular stroking. Make sure your pre-nup mentions sexpectations, fetishes and anything else that is more ‘need’ than ‘want’.
3. MAINTAIN THE BODY THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH - If your partner fell in love with a svelte, fit and healthy person, try and STAY a svelte, fit and happy person! Likewise, if they fell for your curves and voluptuousness, make sure they'll still desire you if you make any drastic changes to your body type.
4. MAINTAIN THE MIND THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH - There is no point in pretending to be someone you're not (and it's almost impossible in the long term!). Partners who fall in love with our 'insides' are priceless - don't make them mistrust how people portray themselves by misrepresenting who you really are.
5. BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT DEVIATIONS from the mind / body they fell in love with - we can't all maintain our 20-something physique forever and nor are we immune from diseases and old age, but we can be suitably apologetic about them - especially if they are very different from your partners' own deviations (or how you started out).
6. DON'T DISS THEIR FETISH / ECCENTRICITIES as soon as you're married. Let's face it, leopards don't change their spots and you'll never wash them off. A marriage certificate doesn't come with a scourer - the person before you got married will be the same as the person after you married.
7. ONLY CATARACTS WILL CURE A WANDERING EYE - if your partner liked to 'play the field' before you got hitched, do you REALLY think a piece of paper is suddenly going to blinker their gaze? Build in a cheating clause if they're that way inclined.
8. SEXUAL GROWTH IS AS IMPORTANT AS PERSONAL GROWTH - it doesn't matter if you're playing tennis, being a parent, or earning a salary - people expect to get better at it with time. The same is true of sex - be open to new experiences, read advice from experts and get better as you get older.
9. ACKNOWLEDGE THE NEED FOR SEX FOR SEX; AS WELL AS SEX FOR LOVE. Different people like different sex at different times – consider incorporating both candle-lit, long, romantic sex and frantic, quickie, lusty sex into your repertoire. (There’s also sex for sport, but only if you have the time and inclination!)
10. AGREE TO AN 'OUT' CLAUSE that doesn't traumatize the family if it doesn't work out. Establish solutions about the things that are most important to you BEFORE things go pear-shaped. For example, if cheating or lying occurs, you'll go to marriage counseling; if the kids become hoodlums, you'll move to the country; if one or both loses their mojo, you'll negotiate an alternative; and so on.
11. DEFINE THE NON-NEGOTIABLES - what are the grounds for divorce? What do you feel so strongly about that it means instant dismissal? Is it kissing someone? Is it lusting after an in-law? What will put you past the point of no return?
12. CONDUCT REGULAR PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS – change your sexual pre-nup as life changes you. Look critically at yourselves every couple of years and get opinions from peers (kids and friends).
Above all, if you want to STAY with the person you fell in love with, DEFINE the person they fell in love with
Sex doesn't necessarily equate to love anyway. Can still be in love with someone and not find them desirable and vice versa.
Surely love is a deep interpersonal respect, fondness, friendship dual enjoyment and fun experience. Ergo surely you want the best for whoever you fall in love with. Love is unselfish to a degree. Therefore who gives a crap if your significant other sleeps with others, doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, needs space etc. Surely if "love" is there you'd respect them and maintain a form of relationship and respect.
Most so called in love couples are not in love at all. It is this weird form of infatuation where both parties are out to get the best deal they can and benefit themselves. Hence the dramas of fights and break ups.
Isn't a true friend someone you can not speak to in 5 years and pick up where you left off? Very rare.
Romantic love is a total sham. Real love doesn't need pre nups and rules.
Holly - with respect, I'd say yes and no! I think real love needs to spell out our expectations and our boundaries - especially since cross cultural differences can mean these types of expectations can be very, very different. Too often we expect our partners to have ESP!