4 Reasons NOT To Get Relationship Counselling
Posted: Wed May 02 20:14
1. PEOPLE IN IVORY TOWERS DONT GET DIRTY
They are the people who charge us a year’s worth of counseling if one of us cheats. They wear white coats or pretty frocks and think rimming is something you do to the edge of a particularly yummy cocktail. You wouldn't learn tennis off someone who doesn't play the game, why would you get sex advice from someone who isn't doing it a lot?
2. COUNSELLING IS SCIENTIFICALLY UNPROVEN
The date night and candles strategies of these good-at-heart but mostly-failing so-called 'relationship professionals' have got the divorce rate where? And their websites are flooded with testimonials where? And their statistical proof that their theories work are where? And the countless couples they have saved are where? Do I need to go on?
3. HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER IS A FAIRY TALE
You cannot cure science with idealism. I
t is all very well to say that cheating is bad, love means not being attracted to other people and marriage justifies long term sexual denial, but what about the real world? Until people start using biological interventions instead of outdated societal constructs, these kind of marital difficulties aren't EVER going to be solved! Instead, get a referral to a physician that specialises in Sexual Medicine and examine physical issues such as hormones and pathology FIRST.
4. THE SUCCESS RATE ISNT WORTH THE COST
The psychology profession - my past included - have a lot to answer for - they must be the only industry in the world where a decimal point success rate is not only acceptable, it charges phenomenally high rates to hoodwink couples desperate to save the most precious thing in their lives - each other.
My husband has cetaehd on me. He has been having an affair for 16 month's. I found out only 2 month's ago. We have been together for 13 years years but only married for 5 years. We have two children 7 and 5. I am in two minds as to what I want. It is so difficult to just stop loving someone that I have loved so deeply for so long. I did ask him to leave. But he is back now. Still don't know if I want it to last. I personally am seeing a counsellor and so is he but no actuall marriage counselling yet. In the begining all I wanted was to have him and forget it all happened. But my attitude is definetly changing. So am i weak and pathetic for not forcing it to be over staight away? Probably most will think that. But right now this works for me. And I guess everyone is differant and handles these situations differently. I am really glad you are in a beautiful relationship. But no one truely knows how they will react until it happens.
Holly - thank you so much for sharing. I sometimes suspect the hardest thing to forgive is the long term lying and dishonesty. I think a lot of the men who cheat still love us, so it's not so much about that. Finishing the marriage over a 16 month mistake might be a lifelong mistake. Take your time, work together and find the best solution for everyone. A lot of marriages I know have actually improved because the couple realises how valuable each other is when they nearly lose them. Take care of you. xxxx
We need a magic pill!
Holly - there is not a day goes by that I don't wish for a magic wand!