4 Surprising Ways to Reignite Marriages

Posted: Fri Sep 02 11:22

The happiest marriages I know usually feature two people who are obviously still besotted with one another. There are smiling nuzzlings, murmured jokes and gently nibbled ear lobes. Ten and twenty year marriages, most of them. And all of them have one thing in common - carefully negotiated and lovingly witnessed forays of flirtation and fun with other people.

Trust issues aside, the best way to foster loyalty is to test it. (Bad relationships aside) social adventure mostly strengthens flagging attractions, stops people being taken for granted and has huge implications for hair, weight and clothes.

Allow a little flirtation into your life or play the 'I SPY' game (where you both pick out the person in the room that attracts you the most then point them out to your partner) - you might be surprised who you spouse is attracted to (and who is attracted to them!)

If you were lucky enough to possess a continuous supply of a $500 bottle of red wine for the rest of your life, every time you drank a cheap wine you would be reminded how lucky you were to have the good stuff at home. However, without any other wine at all you would soon learn NOT to be an expert at good wine, nor appreciate the unique qualities of your own or perhaps worse of all, stop drinking it altogether and just let it ferment in the cellar.

Comparing our mate to other people enables adulation and gratitude  - the familiarity of the primary partner after a stranger is not only reassuring and comforting to return to, it also reminds you how much you missed them. It doesn't mean sex outside the marital bed, either - it could just be that you let them flirt with the secretary!

Trust is essential and loyalty is everything. If you don't have them to start with, go away and come back when you do. The important thing is to establish the boundary between what is loyal and what isn’t. Is kissing still loyal? Are phone numbers loyal? Can they flirt when you’re sick? How can they stick to the rules of your relationship if you don't establish them first?

Negotiated fidelity is risk management for relationships. Perhaps if you started asking real questions, you might get some real answers. Win. Win. And who knows? You might start falling in love all over again...


Posted by: See on Mon Oct 10 16:27

Wow that is so true. We have been living that life for 10 years now and could not be happier. We started letting each other be free for the 1st date.
Now we are that couple who people say how can you to be so in love.... We smile but don't always give the answer.

Holly - its amazing how close you feel when you see your partner through someone else's eyes... Thanks for sharing!

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