Posted: Tue Nov 29 17:47
I often get asked in interviews how I deal with jealousy whilst negotiating infidelity. It took a lot of work on myself and even now it rears its ugly head if I’m sick or having a bad hair day.
1. RECOGNISE JEALOUSY IS UNDESIRABLE
Just like dishonesty and laziness, jealousy is an undesirable feeling that’s destructive to our psyche and threatens relationships. It makes us feel paranoid and suspicious and them feel caged and restlless.
2. UNDERSTAND WHERE JEALOUSY IS FROM
Jealousy is curable, although many will shoulder its burden their whole lives rather than consciously rewire their thinking. It is part of an array of biologically-driven competitive behaviours that make women are our own worst enemies. They include surveillance, ostracizing, slut calling, plumage fluttering and increased interest in offspring. These passive aggressive defense mechanisms have done much to 'keep women in check' and are probably the main reason why we don't have gender parity today.
3. STOP PERSONALISING
The best way to cure jealousy is to STOP PERSONALISING. If it rains on your picnic, it’s not because of you. Likewise, if he wants to have sex with a nasty slag at the pub, it’s probably because he’s horny and not because you’re too fat / too dumb / bad mother / etc.
4. SEE HIM THROUGH THEIR EYES
As soon as you can stop taking other women personally, you can use them to revitalise your own relationship. Whatever he can do, you can do, too. That means other peoples' enthusiasm for your spouse will make them seem more valuable to you and you'll reap the benefits when you get home!
If you have a relationship built on loyalty and fidelity, negotiating an occasional flirtation makes couples go crazy with desire for each other!
You have to drive a Ford to fully appreciate the Mercedes at home in the garage. Compare a love where jealousy is acceptable to a love that replaces it with generosity. Which love would you rather have?
Do you realize that you used the word "infidelity" when you really meant "oh he cheated so lets turn this into an open relationship"???
There is NOTHING wrong with open relationships, HOWEVER your view of your relationship is unhealthy.
Do you have endometriosis? Is that why your man feels the need to cheat? Is that why you say its "ok" for a man to cheat because his partner has a chronic pain condition?
Don't belittle other women with this illness. Don't stereotype all men along with yours. There are good men out there who can control themselves, because they love their partners.
Holly - I am not sure of the connection between endo and cheating. I am against cheating and always have been. Negotiated sex is risk management against cheating and divorce.
Yea, until he brings you home an std.
Holly - it is the cheaters who bring home STDs. Negotiated sex is safe sex.