6 Ways To an Ease a Broken Heart

Posted: Mon Dec 19 07:47

1. QUADRUPLE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORKS
If the relationship changes and a couple takes different paths, they can secure better futures simply by remaining friends and having two support networks instead of one. If one or both partners find someone else, those networks could triple or even quadruple. Not only will that help when you're trying to find someone to fix the plumbing - imagine what it could do for the kids!

2. EMBRACE YOUR PREDECESSORS
When we start a new relationship, there is a strong desire to 'erase' our predecessors. When a new leader takes over a troop of chimps, he rapes all the females and kills all the children to replace the previous leader's genes with his own. In the same way, new lovers often try to remove all traces of the previous partner, such as photos, mementoes and furnishings. Such keepsakes tell life stories and depict the people who shape the person we love. To banish them from display or discourage continued interaction means more about insecurity and jealousy than being supportive of what our new partner is most proud.

3. AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA SURVELLIANCE
Survelliance is another passive agressive coping mechanism we inherited from our neanderthal days when we couldnt fight or flight. In those days, it was watch or be killed! Such an innate inclination is difficult to shrug off and only serves to make the hurt last longer. If you are looking at their profile more than a couple of times a week, it IS a problem -- try unfriending or unfollowing them and/or asking them to set the 'friends only' filter on their posts. Alternatively, set yourself rules or time frames and try to stick to them.

4. PUT THE KIDS FIRST
When looked at logically, it’s in the new partner’s best interests for the old partner to like her/him. If the new group, however it is aligned, works together at meeting all of the needs without feeling threatened, there is more chance of a successful union and a nurturing environment for the young.  Use your innate altruism to work for you, rather than against you - keep telling yourself that your pain is your children's pain. Children see. Children do.

5. STOP PERSONALISING
By personalizing and making the whole parting of ways a bitter experience, we feel the loss of the old life instead of the gain of a new one. Relationships don't fail, they just change - it's naive to expect two people to grow in the same direction their whole lives. Try not to think 'what did I do wrong?' and think 'now, what can I do right?' instead.

6. UNDERSTAND WE CAN LOVE MANY
This is doubly so when new partners try to destroy old loves! The youngest child doesn’t make us love the oldest any less. Just because you love one, doesn't mean you can't love many. Love the love - don't ask, 'but do you still love me?' because they probably do.



Comments

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