How to Lose Your Virginity and Not Your Dignity

Posted: Mon Aug 15 11:50

Don't LOSE Your Virginity - GAIN female empowerment...

Start practising!

You need to please yourself before you can please others. Invest in a silicone vibrator with clit tickler (such as a Rabbit) & start having orgasms. Otherwise you might look like a right twit when your rocks finally go off. Masturbating will feel a bit stupid at first, but you’ll get used to it. If you’re broke, share the $ & work out a roster with your bfs. The bravest buys it in a sex shop. Budget $150 & always use condoms on shared toys (or boys!).

Understand Your Value

You have what boys want. Boys want it so bad, they’d do ANYTHING to get it. That means BE EXPENSIVE. The more boys pay for something, the better boys treat it. Jump him through some hoops if you want him to ring the next day. No hoops & he’ll treat you like a half drunk warm beer.

Pick Your Target (Not the Other Way Around)

Choose your guy & start giving him the eye. Hold his glance just a second too long. Don’t try & make it sexy (cause you’ll look like a a cheap hooker), just make sure he’s seen you looking at him then quickly look away. Social media is ok but wot about his other 846 Facebook friends? You have wot he wants, so be the choser & not the chosee.

Talk the Talk

Tough but do it via text or email. Ask the relevant questions. Is it a one-night-stand? Do we need a safe word that means ‘get the fuck off me’? ‘Will the school know?’ Harsh, but dangle a promise and he’ll wear his underpants on his head to do anything you desire, so get something in writing (or a pix!).

Where is there?

Organise a safe & private venue (parents have a life, too – wait until they go out one night and plan in parallel). If you do it in a car, take your heels off so you don’t damage the upholstery. 

Cum Prepared

Take condoms & proper sex lube (like Wet Stuff). All women get dry in contact with rubber! Coles is less embarrassing. Soaps, oils, etc might give you a vaginal itch & do you really want to explain that to you mother?

Makeup

Wear nude lipstick, waterproof mascara & eyeliner. Pashing will result in lippy smeared everywhere & panda eye probability.

What to Wear 

Only the Whore of Babylon shows off both tits & legs. Avoid tights or jeans as you need to take your shoes off to remove them & you might have to do a runner. Wear a skirt or dress that looks good hoicked up around your waist. Walk around in lacy knickers & bra. Keep your shoes on to make your legs look sexier (even if they’re in the air).

Foreplay

If you haven’t petted yet, get a puppy and postpone. Yes, you do it before sex, but do a few practises first (and make him jump some of those hoops). Whether you dry-hump, finger or oral, encourage wot you like “oh, that feels fantastic!” & discourage wot you don't “I preferred wot you were doing before”. Don’t forget the lube! (the strawberry is ok).

Protection

Condoms. Always. Only dumb fucks are immune from STDs & pregnancy. Don’t let him ‘pull out’ either – pre-cum gets more girls pregnant than IVF. If he mutters a single protest tell him the whole deal is off. He’ll be scrambling for that condom quicker than you can skull his drink! Be sexy & ‘help’ him put it on (and have a good look at wot he’s going to put inside you!) 

Doing The Do

First-timers try she on bottom & him on top with 1/2 (only joking but you’ll need lots) the bottle of lube spread on all surfaces. Get him to start fingering you & slowly replace fingers with the real kahuna. Might hurt, but unless he’s sticking it in your arse, he can’t do any damage. Relax by wriggling your toes or pretend you’re a basket full of rose petals. Don’t believe the hype – screaming orgasms are unlikely (in you, anyway). If you can stimulate your clit at the same time (tricky with him on top of you) it’ll be heaps better ☺

Keeping Him

If you want him for keeps, tell him he was good but he could be better. Extract a vow of secrecy & promise (but don’t necessarily deliver) lots of casual sex. If he keeps his mouth shut he gets rewarded. (Guys reckon even flirtation is better than nothing). If he boasts or doesn’t worship the sun shining out of your arse, post the pix with his undies on his head & tell everyone his balls are missing.

 







Comments

Posted by: Lisa

well so now you are giving lessons on young ladies loosing varginity.. this is so screwed up what about teaching them values.. and your advice is so lame telling them find your target how about telling them to wait till there in love.. You know girls that sleep around well guys dont marry girls like that sure they screw them but they dont marry them.

Holly - how awful that some still want our girls to fall in love, have sex, then get married - all with the one person. We wouldn't buy a loaf of bread without looking at the others, why on earth would we want to invest in a spouse without shopping around first?

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