The Perving Game
Posted: Wed Aug 22 13:53
I am often asked about how to start dialogue about relaxing relationship rules to include other people, fetishes and/or fantasies. I usually recommend couples start with the steps below.
Caution A - Strong loyalty and fidelity must exist first!
Caution B - Never perve or propose changes when your partner is having a bad hair day, sick, or has low self esteem and/or high stress…
1. Play the Beginner Perving Game
- when you are sitting in a restaurant, bar or cafe, each person selects their 'pick of the room'. This is the stranger who (present company excepted!) 'floats their boat', no reasons necessary. Do not try and argue with each others' choices, or take them personally if they are very unlike yourselves. Repeat whenever you dine out or have drinks in bars and do not be tempted to jump to the next step until you are well-practised.
2. Progress to the Intermediate Perving Game
- after feeling comfortable with the Beginner stage and being easily able to identify your 'pick of the room', also try and guess each others
' 'pick of the room'. Be honest and open and don't be afraid to revise choices if your partner picks out someone for you that you hadn't spotted!
3. Play the Advanced Perving Game
by extending it to your general environment - award hypothetical points if you manage to spot your partner's 'type' before they do and develop code words (we use 'orange') so you can discuss whether you like (or don't like!) that particular 'hue' when they are standing right beside you...
4. Set up a couple's profile on an online website
- chances are you will get very few 'hits' but it will allow you to go 'window shopping' together, see what other couples are doing and give you access to their stories, testimonials, etc. Make sure you NEVER shop independently of each other (that's cheating) and make sure you both view and discuss a lot of 'merchandise' before even THINKING about making a selection...
5. Above all, remember to laugh!
(After you start feeling comfortable with it) gentle teasing about each others' preferences is actively encouraged, as is offering to role-play their fantasies or dress in a similar way to consistent 'types'. It might be purely hypothetical, but it is still mental 'swinging' and sometimes enough for many couples who are stuck in a rut or starting to take each other for granted. Happy hunting!
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Got to get past step 1 first. In my experience most women go mental at even a wander of the eye. There is a perception of the green yed monster mostly infecting cavemen who are obsessive. Yet from my experience women are far more possessive than men. It is almost as thou they feel they are entitled to control a man's life just because they sleep together. Cuts both ways I am sure this is just personal experience.
Frankly after a certain age you get tired of game playing. Why not stay single. What do relationships have to offer besides anyway that you can't get else where?
Holly - some excellent points, although I will always aspire to growing old with the person I love.
I am not sure where you're getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful info I was looking for this information for my mission.
Holly - thanks very much Dale.
Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog!
We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!
Holly - wow! - thanks so much :)
on Wed Oct 31 23:05
Many many quality points there.
Holly - thanks Symona!
I seldom comment, but i did a few searching and wound
up here Holly Hill’s 5 Baby Steps to Becoming Open About Becoming Open.
And I actually do have a couple of questions for you if you usually do not mind.
Could it be simply me or does it give the impression like a few of these remarks appear as if they
are coming from brain dead people? :-P And, if you are posting on additional online social sites,
I'd like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post. Would you list of the complete urls of your shared pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?