The Science Behind Sexual Risk Management
Posted: Wed Aug 21 11:56
Psychology Today reports that 90% of adults disapprove of marital infidelity (Whitbourne 2013), yet Sexual Health Australia estimates 70% of marriages experience an affair.
It gets worse. The University of Washington says if you’re under 30, that statistic increases by 20% for wives and 45% for husbands. Overall, half of our marriages are still failing (especially the long term ones) and the Australian Divorce Transition Project cites instances of infidelity as one of the main reasons.
Traditionally, blokes have mostly been blamed for feeding beyond the nest, but the Men's Rights Agency claim up to 30% of Aussie fathers are living with a child they mistakenly believe is their biological offspring and many of species of animals that were thought to be monogamous have now been proven to have multiple sires of children.
It is little wonder the (heterosexual!) marriage rate is falling – our children aren’t lemmings – we would hate them to bet their homes, life savings and children on a horse with even chances, so why would they do it for a spouse?
Wikileaks, the Internet and the relentless pursuit of science are forcing us to rethink our fairy tales and live lives based on truth instead of wishful thinking.
Whether we like it or not, every study, every research and every statistic in the world suggests - no concludes - that without ANY doubt, both men and women are biologically multifarious. Men are hardwired to spread their seed and women are pre-programmed to seek genetically superior mates.
So how do we beat our biology? How do we stop our partnerships and marriages following the path that nature intended?
Can we change our bodies? Could we evolve to adapt to our culture? Apparently we can – but not for a couple of thousand years.
So how do we keep the people that we love? How do we prevent ourselves from hurting that person holding our hand or standing beside us? How do we prevent becoming weekend Dads or cheating with the spunk at the gym?
The answer is obvious. We do it in Safety. We do it in Finance. We do it when we look after the Environment. We do it when we insure the car. We are already doing it in EVERY area of our lives except for the MOST VALUABLE THING WE HAVE - our spouses and our families...
That thing... That answer that can save us is RISK MANAGEMENT. It's about identifying our problematic areas and applying solutions that may reduce - or even stop - those problems from occurring.
Negotiated fidelity is simply relationship risk management. It’s about listing depression or alcohol abuse or an unsated lust then identifying corresponding solutions such as medication, moderation or experimentation. But it must be done BEFORE things go pear-shaped.
Have valuable is your spouse and family? Are you managing your risk yet?