To Poly or Not to Poly?

Posted: Thu Dec 29 12:30

Holly Hill’s To Poly or Not to Poly

I am often asked about the concept of Polyamory by people who don't realise it's the opposite of what I proscribe.

(Very evolved people aside <and you know who you are>) polyamory will often end in tears because not only have we been classically conditioned to be competitive and jealous, we're also biologically programmed to be those things as well. Delve into the realms of sociobiology and you will discover countless studies showing humans have not been able to shrug off our primate ancestry.

Unlike polyamory, negotiated fidelity compliments our biological indoctrination. It involves negotiating a set of sexual and social boundaries that are designed to PREVENT attachments forming. That means encounters independent of each other must only ever be once off. Have lovers but don't be in love with anyone but yourselves (and your swinging buddies).

Call me old fashioned, but there's still nothing better than when they only have eyes for you.


Comments

Posted by: Poly girl

Not everyone works the same.

Holly - indeed, sometimes I wish I was at the peak of the bell curve, though - it would make for an easier life!

Posted by: TheBard on Sat Dec 31 18:50

Can you address those of us who naturally feel compersion and are not inclined to jealousy? Are we abnormal? Is our biology messed up?

Holly - you are lucky! It should be you that is giving us tips!

Posted by: Leanne

Please, before making such dogmatic statements. Educate yourself, pick up a copy of "Sex at Dawn" and then review your statement here.

Holly - interesting comment in that most people say my views are practically identical to those expressed in Sex at Dawn.

Posted by: John on Mon Feb 20 06:01

Awesome! I know people who went to that fetish fair, cool (I'm also a Bostonian of sorts). And I think you're right about the altsex folks, at least from what I've started to see. I've also been getting interested in BDSM, but it's something I haven't played around with since I was in my very early 20s (and then only lightly).Thanks for the comment, as usual you rock!

Holly - I suspect sex outside the norm is currently restricted to the educated, the intelligent, the wealthy, the adventurous and/or the opportunistic - I hope that one day it will be available to all - bring on the billboards!

Posted by: Murfomurf on Tue Mar 20 17:32

Interesting. I have a social media friend who introduced me to the term 'polyamory' and I've decided this is the philosophy adopted by a male friend of mind (another 'John'). I have taken on a small dose of it, I guess, but John has been that way since he first had sex with another person at the age of about 13. At one stage about 10 years ago, he had 5 female lovers plus me. Most others fell by the wayside, he had a few new ones and now I believe he is down to 2 or 3. He never tells- but believes he keeps them all in different life "compartments". He genuinely seems to be able to show love to all of us, being exceedingly generous and gentle (as well as to his wife). It took me years to relax in this arrangement, but now I am happy enough for him to share his love around. We believe neither of our partners knows- but maybe they suspect. No one has said anything. So I guess we have all negotiated varying levels of infidelity and we will go on this way until we die. I think it's quite good when guys have "eyes for me" when they do, but it's allowable for them to have eyes for others when I'm not there!
PS. Port Macquarie High School was a pretty quiet place when I was there- how about you?

Holly - lol, you might have to message me privately and we can compare notes about our school days!
I suspect there are a lot of people in undeclared love - it often worries me how threatening we find it... I might have to dwell on this!

Posted by: Bret

I am fat and polyamorous. I can't rellay compare fat monogamy to fat poly, because I've been both fat and polyamorous my entire adult life. For me, my last attempt at monogamy was while skinny and in high school, so that's not much of a comparison! I belong to some subcultures I'm a burner, dabble with BDSM, and a lot of my friends are Pagan since almost everyone I know is non-mainstream in some way, I think there's a higher level of acceptance and enjoyment for different body types, too. It just hasn't mattered much for me, but I don't know how much that depends on the particular social circle I'm in. Almost everyone I know is poly, many of us identify as sluts, and several of us are fat our relationships and sex lives seem to carry on pretty successfully.

Holly - thanks for your input, Bret

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